


Drifting

by IPutOnMyHeadphonesWalking



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Heavy Angst, I am so fucking sorry, I suck so this is now up for adoption, It wasn't my idea, It's all her fault, Look at her: Points to A_Bored_Marvel_Fan, No but really, Non-Canonical Character Death, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Dies Instead of Peter, angsty, don't blame me, inspired by another fic, kind of, self-loathing thoughts, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:03:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IPutOnMyHeadphonesWalking/pseuds/IPutOnMyHeadphonesWalking
Summary: This is a continuation of the wonderful fic "Broken Smile". It's where Tony dies instead of Peter at the end of Infinity War. Yeah. This is an angsty one boys.NOW UP FOR ADOPTION





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A_Bored_Marvel_Fan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Bored_Marvel_Fan/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Ash to dust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576841) by [A_Bored_Marvel_Fan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Bored_Marvel_Fan/pseuds/A_Bored_Marvel_Fan). 



> I thank A_Bored_Marvel_Fan for giving me permission to write this continuation, for the death switch was all his/her idea. 
> 
> Make sure to go read his/her fic first and give it some kudos and comments. It's awesome.

Peter was stuck in his body. He knew that was irrational, that he alone had full control over his body, but it felt impossible at the moment. Peter felt as though he was trapped in his body, forced to watch his idol, mentor,  _ dad,  _ crumble into non-existence. Watch him take his last breaths and  _ smile  _ at Peter. Why would he smile? Because Peter called him dad? That was the  _ very _ reason he was dead.  _ Stupid Peter  _ just  _ had  _ to go and get too close to someone again. He just  _ had  _ to get so attached. 

 

And now Tony was gone. Scattered in the wind. Why was  _ he  _ gone? Why was Peter here? Why was he being forced to lie on the in the warm sand, forced to take in breaths when he just wanted to  _ stop.  _ He wanted to hold his breath until he was no longer there. Until he too crumbled to dust. But  _ no.  _ His  _ stupidly  _ persistent body insisted that he keep breathing in the hot sandy air of Titan. The stupidly dusty air that burned his lungs with every breath. 

 

_ Oh god.  _

 

_ The dust. _

 

Peter’s mind was forcefully thrown into another wave of panic, painfully aware of everything around him. It was almost as if he could feel every single grain of sand sliding across his skin as he curled up tighter, trying to block out the bright light of of an alien sun. He swore he could feel every single flake of dust, of  _ Tony,  _ in the air around him, coating his lungs. 

 

He began to cough. Quiet, rasping,  _ painful,  _ coughs that shook his entire body. He was aware of every flake of sin in his lungs and he needed to get it out. It didn’t take long for the coughs to turn into loud retches, putting Peter on all fours. 

 

Eventually, something came up. A small amount of liquid from an apple given by Ned so, so long ago. 

 

_ Ned.  _

 

How could he have forgotten. Tony might have not been the only one Peter cared about to leave. Ned, MJ,  _ May.  _ Half of the universe gone. How easy it would be for them be on the wrong side of the terrible lottery. 

 

What would happen if he went home and was all alone. Reaching Earth and finding that his Parker Luck had done it again, scorching all of those around him. 

 

But he was already alone wasn’t he? On a different planet with everyone around him dead, reduced to dust. So far from home that he had to refer to it as ‘Earth’ because New York was too specific. No one knew of Queens this far out. There were no towering skyscrapers to swing from. There were no loud horns and thousands of people. 

 

There was just,  _ silence.  _

 

No, wait, there was something. A dull thudding. His heartbeat? No, that was a different sound all together. This was honestly more like a shuffling sound. 

 

Footsteps in the sand. 

 

And then they stopped. 

 

Peter flinched violently as he felt a hand on his shoulder, painfully aware of the touch. 

 

“Peter,” it was Nebula, she was alive, “C’mon. I think I found a way off of this stupid planet.”

 

A way out? Was that possible? He groaned as he struggled to push himself into a sitting position so he could stare at the blue woman. 

 

She held out a hand, ready to help him up, “I know you just lost your father,” the word hit him in the gut and made him want to curl back up into a ball, “but we need to get moving.”

 

All Peter could do was nod. 

 

He pushed himself back onto his unsteady feet, ignoring Nebula’s awaiting hand. He couldn’t get too close to anyone again. He couldn’t get her hurt. 

 

Looking slightly taken aback she lowered her hand and walked past Peter. He turned and followed her the best he could, stumbling the entire way. His boot clad feet had a hard time navigating through the sand.

 

Nebula saw this and slowed down, making sure she was always in his line of sight. 

 

Peter was thankful and focused all his attention to putting one foot in front of the other. Pushing away all of the bad thoughts threatening to surround him, he followed Nebula until she stopped abruptly. 

 

Looking up, Peter squinted his eyes, struggling to make out the blurry yet shiny shape through the haze of the heat.

 

“A ship?”


	2. Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!!!!!!
> 
> Okay, sorry for the long wait. This fic will now contain Endgame spoilers (kind of??? I don't know). Please watch the movie first.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for this chapter. I wrote it with a headache. Comments and kudos are appreciated (please!!!)

It’s strange how much things can change from walking into a new room, like in a house. The kitchen may be loud with new smells constantly hitting you. People laughing and asking for food. Rummaging through the pantry. Parents trying to speak over everyone, trying to tell them to get out. And then you walk into the living room. It’s quieter, but not much so. It’s welcoming, though, asking you to sit on the couch, to enjoy a minute of rest. It’s a relaxed sort of happy. But you keep walking, upstairs and up into your room. As you open the door, you are enveloped with a new kind of space. It’s quiet, accepting. It is a place for gathering thoughts. A place for you to remember that at one point, as strange as it may seem, you were in the kitchen. 

  


That’s how Peter felt walking into the ship. The inside was so contrasting from the outside. Inside, it was baking, ten times hotter than the air outside.

  


It was okay though, he couldn’t feel it. 

  


He couldn’t feel anything. 

  


He didn’t feel aching legs as they carried him across the burning floor. Not even when they gave out from under him in the corner of the room. He didn’t hear how quiet it was, and he certainly didn’t feel how that was slowly driving him crazy. He didn’t see Nebula walk across the span of the ship to the cockpit (or something similar to that) and mess with the controls. 

  


He couldn’t, because the black hole inside of him swallowed it all up. 

  


His senses were jarred back into full power when he felt the ship shake around him. He violently clambered to his feet and looked expectantly at Nebula who had her back turned to him.

  


“What’s ha-?”

  


Nebula cut him off, her voice as impassive as ever, “We’re taking off.”

  


Peter bit his lip and sat down. He had to physically restrain himself as the ship took off. He had to fight tears as it slowly became colder and colder. He wanted to turn around and go back to Titan. Wait for Tony to come back.

  


Peter didn’t want to leave him alone. 

  


~`~`~`~`

  


_ Cold. _

  


That was the only thing he could feel as they drifted in space. The metal was cold, for it was no longer being heated by the alien sun. The air was cold, constantly reminding him of it’s precious presence, for it would soon run out. His limbs were numb refusing to move (they weren’t actually that cold, he just  _ couldn’t  _ move.) His mind was frozen, seemingly broken as it only played one thought on a loop like a broken record. 

  


_ You failed again.  _

  


Peter’s frozen heart didn’t have the power to fight against that. It was true wasn’t it? Tony had died. Another person dead because Peter  _ fucking wasn’t good enough. _ It was Ben all fucking over again. He didn’t stop the gun that time. He didn’t grab the Infinity Gauntlet fast enough this time. 

  


_ You failed again. _

  


Tony had tried to warn him.  _ ‘Be better.’  _ If Peter had only  _ listened.  _ Hell, if he had stayed on the bus, he probably wouldn’t have gotten in the way. He wouldn’t have messed up so badly. 

  


Nebula came over and sat down next to him, “You’re not okay.”

  


Nice way to point out the obvious. Peter would have laughed if he could. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he realized that she may be waiting for an answer.

  


_ Lie. _

  


It took him a few moments to remember how his lips and tongue worked but he eventually was able to ground out a sentence.

  


“I’m bored.”  _ God, his voice was weak.  _

  


Nebula looked at him for a second, clearly disbelieving. Peter stared right back, daring her to tell him he was wrong. 

  


She sighed before shrugging, “Then do something.” And then she walked off. 

  


Damn aliens. 

  


Peter pondered her response for a few moments. He  _ could.  _

  


_ Fuck it.  _

  


He slowly unfurled his legs from under him and braced his hands on the walls on either side of him. He painfully pushed himself to his feet and began to walk around. 

  


The ship was larger than he originally thought, having multiple large rooms. His breath caught as he walked into one and was met with a heart-stopping view. There was a large window exhibiting the large expanse of space, making Peter feel so very small. He slowly shuffled over to a seat, obviously for enjoying the view. He didn’t enjoy now, however. Peter knew better. He knew how much of a killer the void outside was. It was killing  _ them  _ right now. Sitting down, he grimaced as he realized he had sat on something. Shifting to pull it out, he realized it was a piece of paper with some random nonsense on it. 

  


‘ _ Then do something.’ _

  


Peter’s immediate thought was to make a paper football. His heart stuttered, however, as he remembered who taught him how to make it. One boring weekend, Tony had flicked one at him and complained how Peter was spending too much time on homework. He then proceeded to show Peter how to make on so they could spend the rest of the afternoon flicking them at each other. 

  


Peter found a pencil and decided on Tic-Tac-Toe instead. He found Nebula, but not before wiping the tears off of his face. 

  


~`~`~`~`

  


It took a couple of tries and a few angry mumbles to teach Nebula how to play. They had been playing for a while and she was clearly winning having won over half of the last twenty-or-so games. 

  


Peter wasn’t planning his moves, opting to just randomly lay down his X’s. He barely looked up when he heard Nebula exclaim that she had one after placing her third O.

  


He didn’t even look up when she spoke in time with his thoughts. 

  


“You failed again.”

  


~`~`~`~`

  


They had two hours left of air. 

  


They were going to die. He could feel it. His Spidey-Sense buzzed uselessly in the back of his mind, warning him of the inevitable. The air was noticeably thinning, making him feel lightheaded. 

His thoughts trailed to Tony and he smiled, maybe he would see him again. 

  


He breathed quietly through his mouth as he returned to the chair in front of the window, shakily laughing as he ‘looked death in its eyes’.

  


He hoped May was alright. 

  


He closed his eyes and ignored the bright light and whooshing feeling, thinking it met something else entirely. 

  


~`~`~`~`

  


They were on Earth. 

  


Some fucking flying woman had fucking saved them and now they were on fucking Earth.

  


And apparently all Peter could fucking do was groan. 

  


He felt someone pick him up and cracked his eyes open to see War Machine minus the suit, of course, staring down at him. He was carried outside where it was night, and Peter felt a weird sense of satisfaction that he couldn’t see the stars. 

  


He got taken inside where he was met with many questioning stares. He was set carefully into a chair. A man (is that Bruce Banner?) came over and started hooking him up to machines, but he he only had one thing running through his mind. 

  


“Aunt May.”

  


Peter had closed eyes, missing the way Black Widow had made her way to a computer pulling up the list of known dead. 

  


~`~`~`~`

  


Peter awoke with a raging headache. He groaned as he tried to sit up, finding he was in a cot. 

  


“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  


Peter turned to find Natasha Romanoff sitting in a chair, looking at him with a look akin to pity. 

  


He hated it.

  


Huffing he laid back, but not before shooting up again and kicking himself for not asking sooner.

  


“My aunt, sh-she was ho-” He stuttered hands pressing into the cot.

  


Natasha only cut him off, the pity in her eyes becoming stronger, “I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

  


Peter stilled and held his breath.

  


He only nodded as the black hole inside of him swallowed him whole.

  


_ You failed again. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Tell me how you feel. Kudos and comments are appreciated. Please, tell me how you felt about the chapter and let me know if there's any mistakes. I didn't proofread. 
> 
> Have a great day!


	3. You Guys are going to hate me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *spreads arms* 
> 
> I’m ready for the hate.

I regret to inform yo- 

Damn that’s too formal. 

Listen guys. I bit off more than I can chew with this fic. I have no idea where to take it. I have sat down many times, trying to write up a decent plot...and they’re all shit. Sooo, I’m not going to post a shit story. This is now up for adoption. I am really sad about this, because I loved writing this fic. I had a lot of fun with the two measles chapters I gave you. I want to continue it so so much, I just don’t have the talent it takes. This could be a masssive fic, and I struggle with small multi chapter fics. I am going to regret this. I’m regretting now. I just don’t want to ruin what’s already there with a half-assed plot that makes no sense.

I am really sorry.

(I am also ready for the hate, I deserve it guys)


End file.
